Friday, 14 August 2009

Letting go...

For a few months, I have been stewing over a hatchet job written about me, by someone I once (long ago, now) respected.

It is here. Yes, it laments the loss of a lot of things and the disappointment of many expectations. But she blames me.

She is not a stupid person. She is not without influence, either. As much as it was all old territory we'd been over many times before, I had food for thought.

Not that I responded, of course. But I considered it, a lot.

At 2am this morning I woke up to speak to a friend I had thought long lost. And I asked for, and was given, reassurance that yes ... the author of the above is completely delusional. The people who I still valued, the people who really mattered, have always been able to see what I truly meant and what I intended, and what effect it really had.

I still don't know how soon I will be able to get over it, though. My darned obsessional personality.

It seems this is a year for re-evaluating who I really am, from the outside in.

I am not just a precocious learner, I am not just the angel Jean, I am not just an Australian, I am not just a nerd, I am not just a doctor, I am not just a woman with a mental illness ...

And at the same time as discovering that I am more than the labels I have attached to myself, there are so many things I would like to be, that I may or may not become. Scientist, writer, lacemaker, musician, philanthropist, teacher, mother, champion ...

We will see. For now, I am just me.

Even I don't know who that is.


  1. Hmmm... sounds like yet another indication of 'denial' to me (see our previous posts for details lol), although I have to admit, I have no idea what DoN is, and a lot of the references simply sailed right over my head.

    Next time we meet in person I might tell you a similar story about someone who entirely blamed me for an awful incident that happened. I actually apologised for my part of the story (always two sides), but as yet the other member has not admitted any guilt whatsoever... which is ridiculous. But at the same time completely understandable.

  2. Dude, whatever the case may be, i'm on your side. So who do you want me to hit? And at that, how hard?

    Hope to catch up soon.


  3. You know, the martial arts solution hadn't occurred to me. :P

    Probably wouldn't work for me, but maybe for Creamboy's culprit ...?

    As for catching up, definitely! *schemes*


Glad to hear from you!

the angel Jean